Overheard by Ignorance
by princessOFdarkeness
Summary: Has a conversation you're having ever been overheard and taken the wrong way? This is what happens when it happens to the Kingdon Hearts characters we all know and love.
1. Reno's Mistake

Before we beginning I must warn you: This is so not what it sounds like! Lol That's actually the point. This fic is going to be a collection of overheard conversations that are taken the wrong way so that they sound... well, wrong. Lol There you go.

It's short, sweet, and hopefully funny. If someone reading this falls out of their chair in laughter, one of my life's goals will be complete so be sure to tell me if that happens.

* * *

**Reno's Mistake

* * *

**

Thursday – Reno's day off from work. Confident that his younger brother would be out with his friends, he decided to stay home and imitate a couch-potato all day in his room with a couple of good DVDs and maybe order a pizza.

It just so happened that Reno was trudging past the door of his younger brother Axel's room with this intent in mind that he heard it – a sudden shout of pain ripping through the otherwise peacefully lazy summer air like a blunt knife. Panicking, Reno grabbed the handle of Axel's bedroom door and jerked on it only to find it locked. Slightly curious as to what his brother's door was doing locked and who had yelled like that, Reno knelt down and pushed his ear up against the keyhole to overhear the conversation being held inside.

"Damn it Axel, why'd you have to do that? Ouch, it really hurt!"

"Well in my own defense, you drove me to it and you know it!"

"I did not! Drive you to it"

"You did too drive me to it!"

"I so totally did not! Just quit being stubborn and admit it! It was an unprovoked attack on your part and you know it Axel!"

"You did too provoke me, you know-it-all!"

"Did not, did not, did not!"

"Oh shut up Riku, you know you provoked me. Also, I clearly remember a previous conversation in which I warned you that if you didn't get it out of my face I was going to bite you."

Reno's eyes widened at this, but not wanting to jump to conclusions he stayed silent and still listening intently while secretly wondering about his brother's sexual preferences and decided to have a private word with him on the subject later when Riku had gone home.

"Okay so maybe you did warn me... but did you HAVE to bite it so hard? It's very delicate, you know. You have to be gentle with it Axel."

Reno choked, struggling not to laugh and get himself found listening at the keyhole like he was eavesdropping – even if that was what he was doing and all.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind for next time." Reno heard Axel laugh.

"There won't be a next time Axel, you giant dick!"

"Really, there won't be a next time?"

Reno attempted to shove his fist into his mouth to quiet himself, worried as to why his brother sounded so upset that there wasn't going to be a 'next time' and making up his mind that come Hell or high water he and his younger redheaded brother were going to have a lengthy conversation about keeping his voice down when he was talking about certain things... like now for instance. Reno pondered momentarily why he'd never warned Axel to keep his voice down about things like this before – especially since Reno would be one to know the dangers of being overheard, after all, that was how their parents had found out about Reno's... um... need to shag sexy drunken males senseless at their place. No wonder Reno had got himself kicked out... and now Reno thought he had a pretty good idea as to why Axel had wanted to come move in with him at his new place.

"No, there will not be a next time. This is one experience I never want to have again thank you very much."

"Oh... I was having fun actually."

"I'm glad someone is, because I'm not. Seriously, everything was great until you had to go and bite me so hard. Just look at it, it's all messed up now."

"Oh calm down, I'm sure it's fine."

"No it isn't! Aw, it's all red now! And you can still see the teeth marks... jackass, you'll pay for this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day I'll get you back for this there's no doubt about that Axel. I'll get my revenge on you."

"Oh my, see how I quake in fear before you! Ha, you don't scare me in the slightest Riku so quit acting all scary-mafia-member-from-the-hood or whatever you're trying to act like you are so just quit before you hurt yourself. Let me have a look at it..."

"...Huh..."

"...So, is it bad?"

"..."

"Well, what do you think Axel?"

"It's not bad per say but just look at it. Hee he, it looks like it's swelling up!"

If the two teenagers had been aware of Reno's presence outside the door, Reno would have barged in and screamed something along the lines of 'No shit Sherlock, they swell when you bite them,' but seeing as the two boys didn't know of Reno's presence outside the locked door – and Reno had no intention of making his presence known any time soon – no such outburst happened.

"Damn it Axel, it really is! Great, knowing my luck you have killer rabies or something. Now it's just gonna fall off or I'll have to have it amputated."

"And what a pity that would be, it's actual quite pretty... you know, before I bit it and it swelled up and started changing colors."

Reno pulled back from the door with tears of laughter in his eyes from the conversation he had just overheard, not able to listen a moment longer for fear of his brain spontaneously combusting from so much funny while slightly disturbing violent information Reno had just collected on his brother. Rushing back to his room, Reno hurried into his room wishing he had been smart enough to get that conversation on tape for later blackmail use.

Back in Axel's bedroom...

"I still say you brought this on yourself Riku." Axel smiled at his best friend from where he lay on the bed flipping through stations on the television absentmindedly.

"Shut the fuck up Axel. And I still say you could have been a little nicer to me and not bitten down quite that hard." Riku pouted, his bottom lip jutting out as he leaned his back against the bed as he pulled his legs up to his chest, looking up at his flame haired companion from where he sat on the floor.

"But where's the fun in that?" Axel smirked at his pale friend, flicking the television off.

"And you nearly taking off one of my body parts is supposed to be fun for me?" Riku asked skeptically, eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"You just remember how you feel right not next time you decide to act all smart and argue with me over who's right and who's wrong." Axel smiled pointedly, gesturing at Riku's injury. "You'll think twice won't you before you argue with me again huh? Next time you decide to go pointing fingers in my face I'm confident you'll remember to keep them out of

* * *

reach of my mouth!"

I hoped you liked it! Once again, tell me if you liked it, found it funny, or fell out of your chair in laughter. Review please... and there's more on the way! Until then!


	2. Kairi's Lament

Let me just say one thing before we start: This is in no way shape or form Roxas-bashing. I like Roxas a lot, but just in case it seems like I'm making fun of him in this chapter I figured you might want to know I think he's awesome. The comments are coming from a very pissed of Namine (if you can imagine that) and not from me. Lol

It kinda is Kairi-bashing though – but only a little! I made her sound like a preppy bitchy gossiper... which was unintentionally I swear. She just sorta ended up that way as I went and I left her that way.

Thanks to the peeps who read and review the last chapter, I thank you!!! Please, review this chapter as well!

* * *

**Kairi's Lament**

------

"Grrr, where are those stupid pompoms?" Kairi groaned loudly as she continued crawling around on the carpeted floor under her frilly light and pink lace decorated bed searching through the contents under it for her set black and silver pompoms. Kairi was irritable... well, more than usual, due to the fact that she only had twenty minutes until cheerleading practice started and she had no clue where the hell her pompoms had gotten to, her hair was a mess, and her shoes were still untied. "Damn, I'm going to be late for practice again! Even worse, I won't have time to make-out with my boyfriend in the parking lot before practice!"

Giving it up as a bad job, Kairi did what she always did when she couldn't find something she was looking for – ask her twin sister, Namine, if she knew where they might be. Which Namine usually did somehow. Hopping up and down on one foot on the way to her sister's room as she tried to fix her hair and tie her shoes at the same time, Kairi paused outside her sister's door, her delicate fist poised to knock when she heard –

"Ngh...uh, N-Namine that hurt!"

Kairi's eyes widened at what she had just heard. Cheerleading practice and pompoms forgotten, Kairi placed a hand over her own mouth to keep herself quiet as she listened to what was going on inside her sister's room.

"Keep quiet Roxas! The more you talk the less concentrated I become and the less concentrated I am the more pissed off I'm gonna get with you!"

Kairi mentally squealed at the sound of her sister actually taking charge and ordering someone around for once, especially a BOY! Kairi made a quick mental note to remember to congratulate her sister for finally getting a spine before inching a little closer to the door.

"I can't help it Namine, it hurts when you do that! Damn, that hurt like a bitch!"

"What do you mean it hurts? I barely touched you, you pansy!"

Nodding in agreement with her sister's comment about Roxas being a pansy, Kairi sat down outside the door with her ear pressed against the wood as she struggled to fix her hair like her cheerleader friends told her to 'because it looked the best with the shape of her face and the cut of her cheerleading uniform' her fingers working as quickly as she could make them go so that she could focus all her attention on her sister's conversation with the pansy-boy.

"YOU BARELY TOUCHED ME!?! Is that supposed to be a joke?" Kairi heard Roxas scream at her sister, his voice growing horse as he shouted. "Then what the crap do you call what you've been doing to me for the past twenty minutes then?"

Kairi gagged at this, her eyes bulging out of her head as she rolled around on the ground in silent laughter, her eyes closed tightly against the tears of laughter she knew would surely ruin her mascara if she let them fall.

"I call that... um..."

"See, you were touching me quite a lot. And you weren't exactly gentle for most of it in case you were wondering."

"Actually, I call what I did... um... situating my clientele appropriately thank you very much."

Kairi stopped laughing her mouth falling open as her brain stopped functioning. Kairi had three things she was thinking about doing:

Going to cheerleading practice and try to forget the slightly disturbing conversation she had just overheard

Burst into Namine's room and tell Roxas to get the hell out of their house, after which she would politely ask her blonde twin sister whether or not she was really a prostitute pretending to be a good girl

Or her favorite idea, which ultimately won out in the end – stay where she was and see what else her sister and her 'lover' said. Though now that she had come up with it, Kairi was determined to find out if her sister was really a prostitute and whether or not Roxas had paid for her kind of 'services'. What wonderful gossip Kairi would have to bring to practice if she heard anything good that she could prove her theories with.

"Can we at least get started Namine? You've been preparing everything for almost half an hour!"

"If you'd hold still this would go a lot faster you know!"

"Oh come on, do you really expect me not to move! I mean really!"

"Is it really that hard for you to lye still for a few mere minutes so that I can get my work done Roxas? It'll be much better for you if you just lye still and don't move."

Kairi's mind was struggling to let it all sink in. She smiled happily at the thought of what her friends would say when they found out her sister was a prostitute, so sure in her theory as Kairi was now after all she had heard.

"Namine, can you just hurry up please? I'm so bored!"

"Just shut up and let me work Roxas, these things take time."

Kairi smiled to herself at the thoughts that had just popped into her devilish little head at her sister's words. Apparently her sister wasn't a very good at her job if Roxas was bored... weren't these kinds of nasty unmentionable thing supposed to keep guys interested – especially when it was a prostitute doing it to them since her sister seemed to be one with all she'd overheard between the two blondes.

Silence from inside the room where the two blondes were doing God knows what – though Kairi felt she had a good idea. Kairi, thinking that was all she was going to hear drew herself up off the floor and ran down the stairs, grabbing her car keys as she went. Pompoms or no, Kairi was leaving for cheerleading practice with just enough time to have about five minutes alone with her boyfriend to ah... 'catch up'.

Back in Namine's room Roxas lay still on her bed, shirt open, propped up on one elbow as he stared forward at Namine where she sat in her desk chair. Namine looked up at Roxas momentarily before going back to work. One hand holding the sketchpad still, the other gripping a threateningly sharp pencil above the piece of white paper before her know bearing a rough sketch of Roxas.

"Namine... can I ask you something?" Roxas asked in a quiet voice, trying his hardest not to move any more than he had to while doing so.

"Yes Roxas, what do you want now?" Namine replied in a slightly worn stressed sounding voice without looking up, continued her sketching.

"Can I button my shirt yet?" Roxas asked hopefully, a little self conscious with the fact that he was lying half undressed in front of a female – even Namine with whom he was the best of friends and rarely went anywhere without. Namine looked up at him, her eyes trailing over his bare chest before sliding back up to his face making Roxas blush automatically.

"No, I'm afraid you can't just yet. I haven't gotten that far, I'm still working on your face." Namine said softly as she went back to drawing in her friend's bright blue sapphire orb-like eyes. "I'll tell you when I've finished drawing that part of your body and then you can do whatever you like – without moving the lower half of your body of course seeing as that would ruin the rest of the sketch. We both know you don't want that to happen."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Roxas sighed looking up at the ceiling. Around twenty minutes later Namine allowed Roxas to button his shirt. "Can I see what you've got so far?" Roxas asked as he secured the last few buttons on his thin shirt.

"I don't see why not." Namine shrugged showing off her unfinished work. Roxas smiled at his friend's handiwork. It looked exactly like him – except for the fact that the very detailed drawn-in Roxas had no legs as of that moment just yet. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's amazing Namine." Roxas smiled as she went right back to work, her cheeks tinged with pink. "It's almost worth you positioning me for almost twenty minutes, including that time you smacked me because I wouldn't stay still."

"That was your own fault. When you move, the shadowing changes as well as the angle of the fabric and how it falls off your body. If you would have just stayed still like I told you to, I wouldn't have hit you at all and you know it Roxas." Namine said in an I-know-everything-you-stupid-prick kind of voice she always used when someone bothered her while she was sketching.

"Did you have to smack me that hard though?" Roxas whined in a childish voice, his lower lips jutting out as he pouted. Namine looked up at him, her eyes kinder than before.

"I am sorry about that you know; I didn't mean to hurt you Roxas." Namine said with a small smile.

"It's alright Namine, I'm not mad at you or anything. Just please, don't do it again." Roxas joked making Namine giggle. "So, is the sketch almost done?"

"Yes it is, in fact, here you go." Namine said standing up, handing Roxas the piece of paper in her hands. He took it and stared down at it for a moment before giving Namine a huge bone crushing hug, careful not to crinkle the drawing in his hand.

"Oh, thank you so much Namine, Axel's going to love it!" Roxas smiled as he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "Anything else before I leave Namine?"

"Yes, actually there's just one more thing I have to say to you before you go." Namine said after a moment in which she allowed herself time to think over what she wanted to say to her friend. "Next time you come to me and ask me to sketch something for someone's birthday present I expect you to pay me with cash instead of complements on how awesome my art is. Art doesn't grow on trees you know, and neither do art supplies!"

* * *

I hope you liked this new addition to my collecting of... whatever these one-shot things are classified as. Well, there you go, one-shot number 2!!! Please review that would make my day!!! Happy New Years everyone! 


	3. A Mistake Axel Can Call His Own

Hello my lovely readers!!!! Nice to see you again... if I could actually see you that is. Oh well, the hits show you were here, that's good enough for me.

I hope you like this new installment to my one-shot type things. I have lots more ideas for new additions, so be prepared to (hopefully) laugh.

I feel miserable… fuck it, to tell the truth I just want to die right now. I lost the best friend I ever had in my entire life… don't ask, it's on my profile if you wanna know.

**A Mistake Axel Can Call His Own**

"Wakka, come on we're gonna be late! The game starts in about twenty minutes!" Axel yelled out of his rolled down car window, honking the horn impatiently over and over again much to the annoyance of the neighbors. When five minutes later Wakka failed to appear, Axel slammed the heel of his hand roughly against the steering wheel in frustration. After cursing softly under his breathe as he undid his seat belt and climbed out of his banged up old car, Axel trudged up the path to the front door of the small house where his aunt and cousin lived. Knocking loudly, Axel waited on the doorstep shivering as the bitter wind nipped at his exposed arms and neck. "Damn, I really shouldn't have worn my black tee shirt today. Where is Wakka anyways, I'm sure I said I'd be here to get him right before three o'clock so we could get there in time for the game."

Axel knocked again, more insistently this time. No one answered – go figure. He tried to open the door but the knob wouldn't budge. It was locked, of course. Shouting a number of obscure things not suitable for the ears of small children, Axel stomped over to the living room window and, praying that his aunt never installed the security system she had bought at Christmas time, holding his breathe forced the window open. Nothing happened. Axel breathed a sigh of relief as he lifted himself through the now open living room window.

"So where is Wakka anyways?" Axel asked the empty room, not really expecting an answer. But strangely enough, he got one – sort of. As soon as he asked, from somewhere upstairs there came the sounds of furniture being moved and someone falling to the ground followed by some mad scuffling about. Axel smirked to himself. "Ah, he's upstairs... oh my God! Does he have a little girlfriend over or something? Hee he, let's find out!"

And, in the spirit of being a nosey pyromaniac, Axel climbed stealthily up the stairs and crept down the hall to the partially open door of the den. Just as he reached the door –

"Gah, this is hopeless, I just can't do it! Wakka, do something!"

Axel smiled stupidly to himself... but only for a moment. Because, after a seconds pause, Axel realized who the voice belonged to – and immediately felt like he was going to throw up the cold leftover pizza he had eaten for breakfast.

"Tidus, calm down would ya? It ain't that hard once ya get de hand o' it ya know, jus' relax a bit."

"You have to help here Wakka. I don't know what the heck I'm doing."

"Don't ya worry Tidus, I'll 'elp ya."

Axel silently mimed throwing up outside the door, wondering what his cousin was helping the blonde boy with while silently praying it wasn't what he was thinking – one 'Reno' in the family was more than enough.

"Just tell me what to do Wakka."

"Right den, jus' put your hand like dat, kay?"

"Okay, now what do I do?"

"And now I put my hand here."

"Alright."

"Grip it tightly Tidus, if ya don't dis won't work."

Axel shut his eyes hanging his head. Another gay in the family – boy was grandma gonna be angry. She was running out of males to 'continue on the family legacy' as she put it in front of polite company. Axel knew she really meant she hated the fact that almost all of her grandson's were 'romantically involved' with other males, which of course meant she was never going to get great-grandchildren before she died, if she ever got any for that matter.

"Is that tight enough Wakka? I don't want to hurt you."

"Ya can't hurt me Tidus man, I'm tougher dan ya."

"I guess that's true. Okay, so I hold it tightly... and then what."

Axel smiled at the sound of apprehension in the young teenager's voice. Apparently Wakka hadn't warned him about what was coming... which brought up an interesting question in Axel's mind – had Wakka done this before with a guy?

Aside from the thoughts on what his grandmother was going to say at the next family reunion, Axel was proud of his cousin. It's wasn't everyday Wakka ditched a trip to the basketball courts up at the local city park with Axel for some good old 'fun' if you can understand what Axel was thinking – if fact, this had never happened before making it all the more surprising for Axel.

"Well, now we go. Ya ready Tidus?"

"Uh huh, I'm ready Wakka."

Axel thought Tidus sounded far from ready but stayed silent so that he could listen for what happened next. Silence, and then –

"WAKKA THAT HURTS!"

"S-sorry Tidus, I didn't think I pushed dat h-hard."

"Stop laughing at me this instant Wakka that really hurt me just now. Shove it jerk, you actually call that fun?"

"Yeah, actually I do. Didn't ya like it?"

"Well I can see how it might be fun for you Wakka, you get to injure me without me being able to sue you for it. But how is this supposed to be fun for me? I thought this was supposed to be fun for both people involved."

"It is fun for both people Tidus; ya just didn't try hard enough. Look, we'll try again. Push harder dis time, kay?"

"Alright Wakka, I'll try again."

Axel clapped his hands softly together in fake applause for his cousin getting inexperienced little Tidus to cooperate and try again. Axel was enjoying himself a little more than he probably should have sitting outside of the den – he knew that if he wasn't careful he'd be caught listening and ruin this experience for the two little lovebirds.

Tidus let out a muffled groan and Axel feel backwards with silent laughter. Apparently, Axel reasoned, things were going a little better this time for the strangely adorable pair – at least Tidus wasn't screaming in pain anymore. Wakka grunted, Tidus groaning a little louder.

"Come on Tidus, push HARDER! Ya can do it!"

"GAH! I'm pushing as hard as I can Wakka! Uh..."

"Come on Tidus, a little more and you're there!"

Axel stood up slowly, smiling broadly to himself as he saluted his cousin before turning away from the door to the den. Walking down the stairs with his hands in his pockets, Axel walked back into the living room and finding a piece of scrap paper beside the sofa left a note stuck to the refrigerator for Wakka before slipping back out of the window. Climbing slowly into his car, Axel pulled out his cell phone to call Reno. They had a LOT to talk about when he got home... and somebody was going to have to call grandma to inform her of this interesting development eventually.

In the den on the second floor...

"Come on Tidus, ya can do it!" Wakka grunted as he struggled to keep his arm still.

"Damn it Wakka, I'm trying. Shut the hell up for a minute and maybe this would work for me!" Tidus cursed, shocking his friend. Tidus rarely cussed at anyone, especially his best friend Wakka. In his momentarily stunned stupor from hearing Tidus actually cuss at him, Wakka lost his concentration – just the window of opportunity Tidus needed.

_WHAM!_

"Shit!" Wakka hissed, lurching back from the tabletop dragging his bruised hand with him.

"Oh my God, did I hurt you Wakka? Are you okay, do you need ice or something?" Tidus said in a panic, rushing around to the other side of the table to examine the slightly red patch on the top of Wakka's hand where it had hit the tabletop. Wakka laughed. "What's so funny Wakka?"

"Tidus, ya jus' won de game or didn't ya notice." Wakka smiled at his friend as he realized what he had just done. "Good job man."

"I – I actually beat you?" Tidus said, shocked. When Wakka nodded, Tidus smiled broadly slamming his fists up into the air in triumph. "I ACTUALLY WON! WHOO!"

"Calm down Tidus." Wakka smiled. "And on your second try too. No one ever beats me at arm wrestling. You sure you've never played before?"

"Nah, I've never done this before. Thanks for teaching me how to play Wakka, I had fun." Tidus smiled childishly as he looked toward the clock hanging on the wall. "Oh shoot, I gotta get home! My girlfriend is gonna kill me; I'm already ten minutes late for out date! Bye Wakka, sorry to rush out on you like this!"

"Bye Tidus!" Wakka chuckled as Tidus ran out laughing at how whipped Tidus was over his current girlfriend. After a minute in which he placed the table they had been using back against the wall where it belonged, Wakka headed down stairs to get a soda out of the kitchen refrigerator. As he shut the door, Wakka noticed a note stuck to the refrigerator door with a magnet and pulled it off observing the long slender writing at once to be Axel's. Wakka's eyes scanned the paper. "What the...?"

The note fell onto the kitchen floor... followed seconds later by a dazed and dizzy Wakka.

_To my favorite redheaded cousin – _

_Don't worry about ditching going to the basketball courts for the game with me today Wakka, it isn't that big of a deal. Anyways, from the sound of things when I showed up at your house to pick you up... you had way more important things to be getting on with if you know what I mean! _

_So, congratulations about finally coming out of the closet, with Tidus too of all people!!! And don't worry, I won't tell grandma._

_Love, Axel_

Well I hope you liked it, and I pray at least one person laughed themselves senseless if it's possible to do actually that. You can tell me so in a review if you want. I would appreciate good reviews. (I am so being explicit here, but this is for those of us who are a bit oblivious... REVIEW THE STORY!!!) Cookies for reviewers!


End file.
